Taped Over Lies
by Miss x Massacre
Summary: AU second season. what happens to Jude when her world is crumbling and no one is there to pick up the pieces? Now Beta'd. Chapter four posted - Feb.4.08.
1. Don't know you anymore

**Author's Note: **set after the first season. AU second I guess you could call it. Tommy is with Sadie, Jude isn't with Jamie.  
The rest is explained throughout the story. This chapter is short. It's late. And I wanted to get this out there so I'm not all OCD with it in school tomorrow. I don't own jack, so no suing. Not instant star, not Paramore or that song. I don't own glossip girl, that chick that writes the series 'The Clique' owns it. 

Read along. Don't forget to review.

Chapter One: **Don't Know You Anymore**

Jude stood in studio A playing her electric guitar. So much had happened over the last forty eight hours and she wasn't sure how much more she could take. There was a threat to her contract, and a hard blow finding out her album sales were in the toilet. She strummed her guitar, playing 'My Sweet Time'. She knew the crowd would've liked that better if she played that instead of 'Stupid Girl'. But in all ironies, that's what she was. A stupid girl.

A stupid girl that kissed her producer at her first performance.

A stupid girl that dated her best friend after her other best friend already did.

And it was a stupid girl who kissed her producer again after she found out her boyfriend cheated on her with her nemesis.

Jude laughed the thought off, feeling tears build up behind her eyes. She was always at fault for her boy mishaps, and maybe it was always her fault that her parents were arguing, or at least it felt that way. She looked at her reflection in the glass. Her hair mussed, her eye make up smudged, and she looked an utter mess. Jude noticed the way her cheeks were sitting, they looked...grotesque. She set down her guitar, and pick to pinch her cheeks between her fingers. "Gross..." she whispered to her reflection and shook her head, crinkling her nose.

She looked to her right, out into hospitality to see her sister and producer having a spit swapping contest in the middle of G-major. The utter urge to throw up came to Jude's mind. She turned her head, prodding her cheeks again then lifting her shirt to poke her stomach. It jiggled slightly, leaving a slight imprint on her stomach where her finger had just previously been. She pinched her sides, frowning because she couldn't see her ribs.

Her hands quickly dropped to her sides hearing the sound booth door opening, and Tommy appeared a few minutes later behind the soundboard. He set the binder on the board, sitting down in the swivel chair and putting on a pair of headphones. "You ready to record, Jude?" he asked, and she spotted some lip gloss still glittering on his lower lip. No doubt it was Sadie's cinna-bun by glossip girl. No. Doubt.

She nodded, picking up her electric guitar and slinging it over her shoulder. "Yeah, it's called conspiracy..." she said, into the mike slipping on her headphones. She beings picking a soft but constant chord variation, growing louder and rougher with seconds and soon her voice broke through.

"**Please speak softly for they will hear us.  
And they'll find out why we don't trust them.  
Speak up dear 'cause I cannot hear you  
I need to know why we don't trust them. **"

She played, not looking at Tommy. But looking more at her reflection she loathed in the glass.

"**Explain to me this conspiracy against me, yeah  
and tell me how I lost my power, oh yeah**"

She banged her head back and forth a few times, wanting to bounce on her toes but, she knew she'd save that for the music lay down.

"**Where can I turn 'cause I need something more  
Surrounded by uncertainty I'm so unsure...  
Tell me why I feel so alone  
'cause I need to know to whom do I owe**"

She rolled her head back still playing, getting into it. She was oblivious to Tommy's presence and couldn't care less about him anymore. He was with her sister, why not forget about him?

"**Explain to me this conspiracy against me, yeah  
and tell me how I lost my power, oh yeah**"

She felt so helpless, so hopeless. Her dad was gone, her mom was off doing god knows what with god knows whom. Darius was trying to be a dictator to G-major, Tommy and her sister...and now Jamie and Kat? She felt like she'd been hit with a ton of bricks.

"**I thought you would make it.  
Because you said that we'd make it through.  
And when all security fails you'd be there to help me through.**"

She thought Tommy would be there when she hopped off the bus, but he wasn't. It was Sadie, and Jamie. Jamie who belonged to Kat, and Sadie who belonged to Tommy...or more like vise versa. She wanted to see Tommy's face, the only thing that had held her together during the tour was him and now he was off busy doing something. Or someone.

"**Explain to me this conspiracy against me, yeah  
and tell me how I lost my power, oh yeah**"

She trailed off, tears falling silently from her face. Tommy looked sad and bewildered behind the glass. He didn't expect that from her, but then again he never expected half of what she gave him. He wanted to take her in his arms, stop her tears and kiss the pain away. _Damn the work place. _He thought to himself. Jude kept her tearful eyes on him, and she seen the expression on his face. Deciphering it as another emotion, she got up snatching her satchel from the stool. "I've got to go..." she mumbled grabbing her black hoodie, and putting it on. "We can lay down the music tomorrow..." she said before walking out of the studio into the rain.

"Great..." she mumbled as the rain met with her porcelain cheeks. She yanked the hoodie up over her head but, it made no attempt to stop the rain from wetting her. After a few blocks of trying not to get wet, she gave up walking out in the rain as if it was an everyday thing. Her makeup was smudged and her hair stuck to her face, but she felt fresh. And clean. She felt amazing. She half heartedly wanted Tommy to come after her and stop her, ask her what was wrong because she was sure that for this limited time, she'd tell the truth.

She'd tell him how much she wanted him, how she dreamed of his arms around her. His lips on hers in a devouring kiss. She'd tell him how she dreamt of him every night on the tour bus and woke up many nights crying because he wasn't there beside her. She'd tell him how she hated him with Sadie, because all she wanted to go was control him like he was a trophy boyfriend or something. She'd tell him that she missed her father and wanted her parents to get back together. She'd tell him everything and he'd hold her, kissing her forehead and rubbing her back reassuring her things would be fine.

But that was just a fabricated dream she'd weaved into her brain.  
A small little wish her heart seemed to make no matter how hard she tried not to.  
A big part of her wanted to drop dead, to stop breathing and disappear. She'd see who would care then, right?

See who would cry, and come to her funeral. See how many people would try to save her, or how many would not go on without her.

It is then she surely thinks she's insane.

"Mom! I'm home!" she called out, walking into the living room. She dropped her bag onto the couch and shook her wet hair. She heard a muffled sound come from the kitchen and she walked through the double doors to see her mother and Darius Mills on their dining room table,** doing the **_dirty_.

"Oh.My.God." was all she could manage to sputter out.

**Review please?!**


	2. No Self Respect?

**Uh, author's note after this. Just enjoy? **

Tommy sat in Studio A at the soundboard, stunned at Jude's speedy departure. He knew something was eating at her, he just didn't know what. He leaned his elbows on the edge of the soundboard, and put his head in his hands. Sadie...he thought. How could I be so stupid? He kissed Jude that without a doubt told her in a cryptic way that he had feelings for her. He refused to say love, even if he was arguing with himself. It was one of the facts that he could not face in life, he was in love with a sixteen year old.

And now he was in too deep with Sadie on his back, more like lips, and her half attempt to be the perfect girlfriend. He groaned, and tried to think if he'd been doing any drugs in the past year or so. Not any drugs that he knew of. He wondered if someone had slipped LSD into his coke or something while at a party. He stood up from the soundboard, grabbing his leather jacket from the back of the chair and walking out. He cursed in French under his breath when he walked into the rain. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the hummer as he ran to it.

Meanwhile at the Harrison house, Jude stood in front of her mother and her boss in a compromising position. "Mom...how could you?" she said, tears filling her eyes and voice. She held her arms around her wet torso, doing her best not to shiver. Darius backed up from her, adjusting his pants while Victoria fixed her skirt and shirt, as she slid off the table.

"It's not what it looks like...I swear honey." she said, buttoning the top buttons of her shirt. Her head was titled to the side and her eyebrows were squinted together.

"Oh so you weren't just fucking my boss...on our DINNER table?!" she yelled, holding out one of her hands. Darius snorted coming up behind Victoria cupping her behind in his big hand.

"Jude. How do you think you stayed on the record label? By your good looks? Or your voice?" he asked, his voice full of sarcasm. He winded his arm around Victoria's waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her neck. "Your mom stepped in here, gave me an offer..." he ran his finger up her neck and Jude shook her head, not wanting to believe. She ran from the dining room, crying. She slammed the door of her bedroom, sobs escaping her mouth with every breath.

She felt worthless, alone. Outside she heard Jamie's car pull up, and he stepped out with Kat stepping out on the other side. They joined hands, and he kissed her in the rain which had lessened to a drizzle. She pulled off her wet jacket as she turned away from the window, and threw herself onto the bed.

She held onto one of the pillows, crying and whimpering. She half expected her mother to yell up to her, but she was probably wrapped up in Darius again. The tune of The Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven came to mind and she sat up from the bed, some kind of sick and sadistic thought coming to her mind. She stood up slowly, not making a sound and walked to her door, opening it mechanically. She walked invalidly and slowly to the bathroom down the hall, kicking off her Chuck Taylor's and stripping her socks before stepping in on the cool tiles. She smiled at the cold feeling and closed the door, locking it with a click.

She stood in front of the mirror, her red hair matted to her head. With one solitary finger, she prodded her cheek. Pushing it in, then pinching it and pulling it away from her face. She stopped after a few minutes, and slid the side of the mirror open, looking up and down at it's contents. Sadie's lotions, hair stuff, her mother's pills, and shaving cream, Her father's old razors, floss and after shave. Her eyes quickly darted back up to the razors, eyebrow quirking in thought. She reached her hand up timidly, and grabbed the box sitting it down on the marble top of the counter beside the sink. Slowly she opened up the box, and pulled a razor out, running the tip of her finger across the blade feather softly.

**All it would take is one cut, one cut and all these problems will escape. I won't be sorry either, I never will be. But, they will. All of them.**

Without a second thought, she pulled up her black t-shirt, her white skin glowing in the light. She put the razor to her skin, putting pressure before dragging it across her abdomen, blood sprouting up at the spot where the razor just previously passed over and ran down her stomach.

**There's no going back now. My world has completely changed.**

After about a six inch line was carved she pulled it away and smiled as the blood almost reached the top of her jeans. "Wonderful..." she said, grabbing a few squares of toilet paper before it met the jeans and a smile spread across her face as she wiped upwards and the blood smeared. She wiped the blood away and watched as more blood oozed, and she wiped it up again, this time putting pressure on the cut.

After the bleeding had stopped, Jude put the razors away, keeping the blooded one for herself. She briskly walked from the bathroom to her bedroom, trying to drown out the animalistic sounds from downstairs. Slamming the door, she threw herself onto her bed. Tears silently stained her cheeks. She hated Darius, she hated G-Major now that Georgia was gone, she hated her sister, she hated Tommy [even though she wanted him to be beside her now, and worst of all she hated herself.

Nothing in this world would take her out of the self-hate she was wallowing in.

Outside, the sound of an engine revving up the street was heard. Her ears poked up, although her head stayed on the pillow, now wet with tears. Tommy and Sadie. Sadie and Tommy. The hair-'click' twins. She snorted at the thought and pushed herself from bed, to strip from her clothes. She ran her finger across the red and inflamed cut, and smiled in accomplishment. She felt better, better than before and she couldn't believe that it only took two seconds. "Who wears short shorts?" she sang in the mirror, grabbing a pair of pajamas before throwing them on.

She head the front door open, and 'hellos' were shouted from Sadie. She grabbed her iPod from her dresser, shoving the buds in so she wouldn't have to hear _them_. She crawled into bed, pulling the blanket to her chin and closed her eyes, hoping the sounds of Lily Allen would send her into a deep sleep.

**----------------**

**Author's Note: **This chapter was hard to write, editing was crazy and I wasn't sure if I put enough...mmph into it. I know a lot of people write about cutting, or any kind of self-mutilation but, they don't really go into it. Kids don't just go and decide 'oh, I feel like shit. So I'm going to cut myself.' It's not cool, and it's not done for attention. Personally, I don't like people who haven't experienced something like that to write about it because there is an essence to it you need to catch, and (normal) people can't get into the mind frame. Not that you'd want to, it's quite scary.

Underlying feelings, problems, depression and Borderline Personality Disorder are believed to be the cause of self-mutilation. I was planning on writing about some kind of teen issue, and well this is it.

If you know someone who is cutting, thinking of suicide/or is suicidal, please get help for them immediately. (Call 1-800 Suicide) You do not know what kind of pain they're in and even though they might not express it, they will appreciate you getting them help.

Please, review. I'll update sooner!


	3. What Happened To The Good Ol' Days?

**Authors Note**: When I referred to glossip girl in the first chapter, I was referring to the lip gloss Massie used. Again, I don't own that. I'm getting on It's something about the stars next chapter if you're reading that. I don't own anything else in this story.

Eh, Not one of my best chapters. It took me months on this, and I still don't feel completely satisfied. I hope it'll do.

This is the introduction to the birth of Jude's dark side. Some of you may hate me be time I get to the tenth chapters of this story. Well, review please. And to those reading 'It's something about the stars', that will be updated soon.

**Chapter Three: **What happened to the Good Ol' Days? Part one;

Tom awoke on his couch, leather jacket and shoes still on. His head throbbed like he'd just been hit with a baseball bat, and he groaned as he lifted his hand to his eyes. He'd gone out with Sadie last night, some quaint little restaurant. He nearly drunk the two bottles of wine they ordered, and all the while she babbled on about something or another, he thought about Jude. Jude and that song. Conspiracy? Against Her? He shook his head, and moaned in doing so. As his body lay on the couch, pondering the thought, he wondered what could've brought on those lyrics. Sure, Darius was harsh about Jude's poor album sales, but he always knew Jude to be headstrong. Then there was her mother and father. He knew what kind of damage that does to a person, no matter what age they are.

He remembered his own childhood, when his parents split up. He was only ten, and when they told him that they still loved him, just not each other, he felt like it was his fault in someway. Then one thing after another happened and he found himself with his father, with a new replacement mother that was supposed to fill the void of the mother that drank herself to the grave. He retaliated, dropped out of school in grade seven and joined Boyz Attack to become one of the most recognizable faces in Canada. After that, he barely spoke to his father and lost contact with the rest of the family.

As the sun shone through the sheer curtains covering the long French windows of his penthouse, he guessed the time to be somewhere near seven in the morning. He had to be at G Major within an hour and forty five minutes. He needed a shower, a cold shower, and he felt that he would not be able to get to his hair. Great, just great, he thought pushing himself off the couch. This was going to be a hell of a day.

On the other side of town Jude snoozed soundly, her iPod on the floor still playing. The rain pelted softly against the pane of her window making the morning, for some, begin lazily. Just as she hit a content spot in her dream, her mother began pounding on the door. "Jude!" she yelled through the solid oak door. "It's time to get up! You have to be in at G Major in an hour!"

Inside the room Jude groaned, shoving her face into the pillow. Another solitary pound resounded through the room followed by her mother's voice. "Now!" she turned on her heel and made her way down the hall. As Jude sat up and looked around the room, the memories of last night came rushing back to her all to vividly. She kicked off her blankets, and pushed her hair red hair from her face. "Stupid cunt." She murmured, standing from her bed and walking over to her dresser pulling out a pair of skinny jeans and black long sleeve shirt. Not bothering to shower, she stripped her pajamas and threw on the clothes she just retrieved. She ran a brush through her hair a few times, and put on her dark eyeliner. Looking at herself, she grimaced and wished she had higher cheekbones or a slimmer waist. Standing up straighter, she grabbed her guitar case from the corner sliding it over her shoulder and shoved on her boots before leaving her room. Just as she made it to the middle of the staircase, her alarm clock went off. She knew it was loud enough to wake Sadie up, so she didn't bother to turn around and shut it off.

As she made it to the bottom of the stairs, she could hear her mother speaking very hush-hush on the phone. Rolling her eyes, she decided not to go in there and listen to her mother's bullshit. Grabbing a thicker jacket from a peg on the wall, she walked out of the house and began walking down the sidewalk. Realizing she left her iPod on the floor, she cursed rather loudly and kept going. Besides, she could entertain herself with the songs playing on in her head.

People passed by her, normal people and she felt down. In the pit of her stomach, something churned. A darker sense of feeling, and she didn't know what to do with it. As she kept her eyes on the sidewalk violent images passed through her vision, so vividly she could've swore that it was actually happening. She crossed her arms over her abdomen, and a stinging made her seethe. Dropping her arms immediately, a car horn knocked her out of her reverie. She jumped back onto the curb, noticing she'd stepped out into the street during a green light. With a shake of her head, she stood there impatiently for a red light.

Half an hour later, Jude walked into G Major's lobby light wet. She felt alienated as she walked past interns and the few other artists signed to the label to Studio A. To her surprise, Tommy wasn't in the sound booth, so she took the opportunity to start writing a few other songs. Sliding off the strap of her guitar and gently set it on the floor before flipping the top open. She snatched her notebook from inside and set it on the stand then picked up her guitar, setting it on her leg. She didn't bother to pull out the pick, and began strumming mindlessly. Pretty soon she'd picked out a basic chord melody, and lyrics were beginning to form inside her head.

"_How could you leave me standing, alone in a world so cold?  
Maybe I'm just too demanding, maybe I'm just like my father…too…bold.  
Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied.  
Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry…  
Yes, they cry…oh, they cry_."

She stopped strumming, and leaned forward flipping to a new page in her notebook. She hurriedly wrote what she just sung, singing along as she wrote to make sure it sounded right. At that same moment Tommy appeared behind the glass, a beanie atop his head and sunglasses shielding his eyes. "Jude." He said into the mike, startling her. "We need to get to work, Darius seems to be a little more pissy than usual."

"I wonder why…" she muttered under her breath, flipping a strand from her face and nodded. Tommy dismissed whatever she'd retorted with and sat down at the sound board, switching on a few knobs and turning a few things. "SME will be here in an hour, so let's start on the vocals of 'Conspiracy', okay?" he asked, sliding on a pair of headphones and looking at her through the glass. She looked different, more withdrawn and he felt the need to reach out and touch her. Again, he was reminded of where he was when she spoke into the mike as she slipped on her headphones. "Yeah, sure, fine." She murmured, sliding off her boots and looked up. Tommy counted her down with his fingers, and at one a playback of the rough guitar chords she'd played yesterday. On her cue she opened her mouth to sing, not looking at Tommy.

"_Please speak softly_..."


	4. Breaking Away

**Author's Note: **This chapter, to my surprise, came easier than the other. I decided to change the chapter title, because Jude is breaking away in the chapter. Little by little, even if she doesn't notice it. Well, I don't own anything. Read and Review?

**Offside Note**: I feel I have the need to say this, and keep it going with each chapter because I've gotten so much judgment after I've come out of the closet (so to say) about my cutting. It's not something to take lightly or to think that it's done for attention. It's more like a cry for help. If you know anyone who is doing it themselves, please notify someone you trust and that the both of you know so that person can get help before something bad happens.

Anyway, enjoy?

**Chapter Four**: Breaking Away

SME showed up fifteen minutes later, hooting and hollering as they entered the sound booth. Tommy who was watching as Jude sang, trying to decipher the song, whipped around sending them a murderous look. Spied halted, causing Wally and Kyle to run into his back. "Whoa, dude. We're sorry." He countered, holding up his hands as to ward him off.

Tommy signaled Jude to stop, pressing a button as he spoke into the mike. "Your beloved band is here now." He said, nodding his head at their direction as they made their way to the adjoining door to the recording booth. Spied, who hadn't seen Jude since the red and black party, ran to her and picked her up. She squealed in delight, and giggled as he began tickling her. He was probably the only male she _could _trust, along with the rest of SME and Kwest – though she didn't know him quite that well.

It wasn't to long before his hands were tickling her stomach, he hit the spot and she cried out, but kept on laughing. Pain sprouted, and it began to burn, but she still laughed. Tommy broke the moment, knocking on the glass and tapping his finger to his wrist. "What a way to ruin the good moment, Quincy." She murmured, rolling her eyes with her back to him.

"Yeah, Lord Squinty Frown!" Spied yelled over her shoulder, raising and shaking her fist.

Jude exploded in laughter, bending over and slapping her knee. "Lord Squinty Frown?" she said between laughs, and reached up to high five Spied. "Good one."

Tommy frowned behind the glass then quickly straightened his face. "C'mon, kindergarteners. We have to lay down this track." He emphasized, gesturing to the instruments.

Jude rolled her eyes again, and put on her headphones. "C'mon kindergarteners." She mocked over her shoulder at Spied who was putting on his guitar. He snorted, and covered his laugh by tuning his guitar.

Twenty takes, three hours, and four coffees later, Tommy was pressing the eject button and sliding one copy of "Conspiracy" into a jeweled case. "Here you are, Miss Harrison." He said, holding out the CD to her. She took it into her hands, looking at it with an accomplished smile like she always did when finishing a song. "Thanks, Quincy." She said, and turned around sliding the CD into her guitar case. "Well, I gotta go." She lied. "Homework calls." She quickly scurried out of the studio before SME were even done packing up.

"Jude, do you - !" he called after her, only to realize she was gone. "…need a ride?" he finished quietly, letting his arm drop by his side.

--

Jude walked outside in delight with the rain that would be falling on her as she walked home, this way she could cry and no one would know, only to walk outside and be greeted by an overcast sky. She shrugged her shoulders, zipped up her jacket, and continued on her walk. By the time she got to the cross streets, where one way took her downtown and the other took her home, she suddenly didn't want to go home. Dealing with her mother was the least of her problems because her thoughts were suddenly not her friend.

She turned, going towards downtown and let her eyes wander around at all the stores that lined the street. She crinkled her nose at some of the stores, but stopped as she seen an old record store. Her passion for music got the better of her, and she pulled the door open walking inside. She closed her eyes, inhaling the smell of vinyl and wandered to the back where the 'Classic Rock' section was.

She started flipping through them, deciding she was to get some since her father took all his when he left. She picked out a few Nirvana, The Ramones, and The Rolling Stones albums tucking them under her arm as she made it through the genre section. Grabbing an old Bon Jovi album, she flipped it over to read the tracks. She murmured the titles, trying to remember if she heard them before. She felt a pair of eyes on her, but decided to ignore it. People were always staring at her, she was famous after all. Though, this was the first person to talk to her.

"Jude Harrison, right?" a feminine girl asked, her voice soft like an afternoon summer breeze. Jude looked up to see a short girl with long black hair, hot pink extensions throughout her 'do. She was shorter than Jude, and her eyes were a pure green, a great contrast to her hair and porcelain skin. Jude nodded her head, keeping her mouth shut, and the girl stood on her tip toes to extend her hand across the shelves of records. "I'm Mackenzie Meriweather."

"Nice…to meet you Mackenzie." She said, smiling and shaking her hand.

"You can call me Mack…or Max, most people do." She said her eyes bright. "I don't mean to sound…crazy," she shook her head and continued. "But I saw almost all of your club concerts this summer. You sounded awesome!" she nodded excitedly, her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.

Jude wished she could be happy about meeting a loyal fan, but she was having trouble. It must've showed on her face because Mack voiced her opinion. "Are you…okay?" she asked wearily, walking around the shelves to stand in front of Jude. She looked up at her, hand on her hip. "You look…sad." She said her waxed eyebrows knitting together. "I know you don't know me all that well, but…wanna talk about it?"

Jude hesitated for a moment, but what did she have to lose? She'd already lost her love to her sluttish sexy sister, her pride was gone after she cut herself, and she surely didn't have anyone waiting for her at home. "Hell, why not." She said, lifting up one corner of her mouth into a half smile.

Mack clapped her hands together, and they walked to the front so Jude could pay for her albums. Twenty minutes, and ten blocks later they reached Mackenzie's apartment in Chinatown.

As she stood unlocking her door, she stuttered over her words. "I-I'm sorry it's not clean or anything, my mom is just too busy with work…and I've got Chad on my back all the time." She explained, pushing open the door.

She whispered to herself. "That bastard."

Jude just nodded wordlessly, looking around the apartment as they stepped in. "You want something to drink?" she asked, stepping over a pile of clothes and walking to the kitchen.

"Uh…pop would be fine." She said, moving around the clothes.

Mackenzie reemerged from her kitchen, two cans of coke in her hand. She extended her arm to Jude, and gestured for her to follow. She disappeared down the hallway, with Jude timidly following, and opened the last door at the end of the hall. "It's no palace, but it makes do." She said, pulling a key from between her breasts and reaching up to unlock the lock at the top of the door.

When she pushed open the door, Jude noticed the room was spotless unlike the rest of the apartment with old '80s rock band posters taped up all over her cream colored walls. "Welcome." She said, bowing before throwing herself on her bed. It kind of reminded Jude of her own room, and she glanced around before taking a seat at her vanity which was covered different types of make up. "So you wanna tell me what's wrong?" she said, sitting up and opening her nightstand drawer, pulling out what Jude thought was a cigarette and lighter. "Eh, boy troubles." She murmured, watching as she lit the cigarette and took a deep drag. "Mom troubles, Dad troubles, hell! Even slutty sister problems." She threw her arms in the air before letting her head fall on her knees.

Mackenzie snorted as she coughed into her fist, and lifted her head. "Excuse me." She said before coughing again.

As the smoke filled the room, Jude took notice that it didn't smell like a normal cigarette. It smelt musky, and warm. Even if she only admitted it to herself, she was attracted to the smell. "What…what is that?" she asked, raising her head from her knees.

Mackenzie fell back against her pillow, holding her hand up to not burn her sheets. "It's a joint, duh." She said as if it was obvious. "Why? Do you want some?" she asked, holding out the joint towards her in midair.

Jude sat there for a moment, contemplating whether she should or not. In the back of her head, her little voice that told her to do the right things was just shot to hell. She rose from the seat and walked over to the bed. Sitting down, she took the burning joint in her hands.

She'd watched Tommy smoke before, how hard could it of been? Placing it between her lips, she took an inhale. As the smoke entered her lungs, she choked and coughed, her throat burning. "My god." She said, coughing again. As soon as her coughing fit ended, she took another drag this time not coughing as she did before. To her surprise, she liked the taste and she was getting a hazy, relaxed feeling. She exhaled softly, the smoke emitting from her mouth as she leaned back on her elbow. "This is good…this is…_very_ good." She giggled, holding out the joint to Mack.

She shook her head, nodding in her direction. "Go ahead, keep that one. There's more where that came from." She said, grabbing her phone from her night table and dialing seven digits quickly. Jude puffed on the joint, as Mack waited patiently on the line for someone to pick up. As soon as someone picked up, Mackenzie perked up. "J.J., sweetie? Are you busy?"


	5. New music, new Jude

Author's Note: A big problem with this chapter was finding a song for Jude to do. I had like so many in mind, but those will be featured later. In all honesty, this song reminds more of Karma than Jude, but then again that can just play into the story.

Ugh. This is a nasty, yuck little filler. I was thinking about deleting the story then redoing it, but decided against it. If I did that, it probably wouldn't get back up. Haha. The drama is in the next chapter. Read and review? The more there are, the quicker I update. I don't own 'When I Grow Up' By PCD. Nor do I own anything related to Instant Star. Enjoy!

* * *

Two Weeks Later...

Jude lay sprawled out across Mackenzie's bed, tapping a pen against her front teeth. She was never this blocked when writing a song, it always came so easy to her. This time, though, it seemed to be slipping between her bony fingers. The anger, anxiety, and hate that was coursing through her veins when she arrived could still be felt. "Jude, s'wrong?" Mackenzie asked as she stood in her doorway, a joint burning in her hand. J.J., her cousin, pushed past her, snatching the joint from her fingers.

"I'm fucking blocked," she said, staring at the ceiling. "Yesterday Darius told me to write a new song, but NOT what I usually write. He says he wants something more...cheerful."

"Basically, he wants something Britney Spears-ish, right?"

J.J. walked across the room and flopped down beside Jude. "Oh, how hard could it be? You have to be one of the most successful teens in Canada." He said, tapping her nose as he took a drag.

"Really hard," she replied, taking the joint from J.J.'s lips and placing it between her own to take a deep drag. "I've never written anything besides acoustic and rock stuff...I think he wants me to be like Eden." She coughed, holding a fist in front of her mouth.

Mackenzie pulled the chair from her desk, wheeling it to the bedside and taking the joint from Jude. "Who's Eden?" she asked, she'd never watched Instant Star and heard Jude's first song on the radio so she was oblivious how the evil diva fit into her life.

"The skank chick who was in second place on my cycle of I.S." she said, exhaling smoke as she spoke. "She stole Shay from right under my nose and pushed my sister into a pool at Darius' Party." Mackenzie made a noise in the back of her throat.

"Well...I could help." she said slowly, gauging her reaction and taking a puff. Jude sat up on her elbow, behind her she felt J.J. reach up and play with her hair.

"How?" she asked, not sure what to expect. She'd only written songs with one other person and she wasn't sure if she wanted to try.

"You did meet me at a music store..." she said matter-of-factly.

"Hmm..." Jude tapped her chin as she thought about it.

"I know my way around beat board..." Mackenzie said, dropping hints as she picked up a black shoulder bag that contained her portable sound board.

"And I can jump around like a groupie..." J.J. added, twirling a red strand around his finger. She giggled into her palm, thankful for her newfound friends.

"Okay...you can help." She barely got the words from her lips before Mackenzie was pulling her to her feet and out of the room with J.J. trailing behind the two.

"One, explain the loathing you feel towards this Eden chick." Jude threw her a look. "Oh c'mon, did you hear your tone when you spoke about her? It's blatantly obvious, even to me - who rarely picks up tabloids."

--

An hour later, Mackenzie and Jude dancing around on her roof while Jude sung the song they just completed. J.J. reclined on the blacktop, watching as them with admiration. He didn't really believe his cousin had met _The_ Jude Harrison, though she never really saw herself like that. "You guys want to come to the studio to watch me record?" she said, knowing Tommy wouldn't like the idea.

Mackenzie's eyes brightened and a wide smile broke across her face. "Really??" she gushed, placing a hand over heart. "We'd love to!"

J.J. nodded from his place and smiled. "That'd be cool."

"Okay, one moment then." she said, jogging to the front end of the roof as she pulled out her cell and speed dialed Tommy.

She looked over the edge as the ringing began. After three rings she heard his voice, warm enough to make her melt despite the grey weather. "Hello?"

"Tommy, it's me...you don't have to pick me up from school today, I'm getting a ride with some friends. 'Kay?" She said this all very quickly and it took him a moment to reply.

"Alright, but Jude...don't bring anyone into your recording session." He told her, but she had already hung up after he'd agreed.

Jude roamed back to the two who were bickering lightly. "Alright, let's go now." She told the two, who gathered up their things and quickly hustled off the roof.

--

Twenty minutes and one stop at a bakery later, the trio walked into G Major. Mackenzie and Jude were arm in arm with J.J. once again trailing behind the two as they giggled and talked non-stop. He admired the view of Jude's behind anyway. She, on the other hand, felt lighter than usual - the hunger pangs pushing away the doom of the day: facing Tommy and doing what Darius **told** her to do.

The two girls breezed through the door first, surprising Tommy who sat texting on his phone. He looked at her before noticing Mackenzie and J.J. "Jude...I thought I told you - "

"I have a new song, prissy-preppy like good ol' Darius wanted. **I **am going to record it," she said pointing to herself before throwing her thumbs at the two on either side of her. "**They** are going to watch...with no noise."

She looked to either side of her. "Right guys?" Both nodded simultaneously and Tommy turned toward the sound board gesturing toward the recording booth with a wave of his hand.

"Fine, fine. Go on."

With that she danced into the studio, flipping her notebook to the page that contained the lyrics. Mackenzie stepped towards Tommy, a blank CD in her hand. "Tommy, right?" She said timidly, extending the CD as he nodded. "This is a mix of the song she's doing today, okay?"

He stared at her blankly for a second before grasping the CD and handing it to Kwest, who popped it into the CD player. As he waited for it to load and begin, he took in Jude's appearance. Her red hair was back to it's vibrant color, but it had more body and wave as it draped over her shoulders. Her normal bright blue eyes, seemed glossy and relaxed. She was dressed in her normal jeans and t-shirt, but she still seemed different to him. He couldn't put his finger on it, but, something had changed.

Kwest, seeing Tommy's distraction, spoke into the mic counting her down with his slender fingers. "Jude Harrison, Uh - Untitled, Take One."

He pressed the playback and record button, resting back in his seat as a siren started and the moment the pulsing beat started Jude's voice broke through; breathy and sensual like she'd imagined. _"Boys call you sexy and you don't care what they say. See, every time you turn around they screamin' your name...Boys call you sexy and you don't care what they say. See, every time you turn around they screamin' your name!" _She cupped the condensor, closing her eyes as she sung the memorized lyrics. _"Now I've got a confession when I was young I wanted attention...And I promised myself that I'd do anything - anything at all for them to notice me."_

Tapping her heel with the time of the music, she knitted her eyebrows a bit. _"But I ain't complaining, we all wanna be famous - so go ahead and say what you wanna say!" _She waved her hand through the air by her side, her eyes still closed. Tommy could sense her uneasiness, but didn't stop her. He couldn't - or wouldn't - he didn't know the difference. He was aware of J.J. when he stood up at the soundboard, watching Jude with his arms crossed.

_"You know what it's like to be nameless want them to know what your name is. 'Cause see when I was younger I would say..." _Jude opened her eyes at the swell of the chorus, her eyes immediately landing on Tommy through the glass. _"When I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies! When I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have Groupies!" _She felt uneasy, staring at him and singing this song. Her eyes darted opposite of Kwest and landed on J.J. A heat rose in her cheeks and reflected his smile as she sung. _"When I grow up! Be on TV, people know me, be on magazines! When I grow up, fresh and clean!" _She flicked the collar of her shirt and rotated her hips slightly, getting into the song. _"Number one chick when I step out on the scene! But be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it, but you just might get it. But you just might get it!"_

J.J. smiled before looking down at Tommy. He seemed that there was a territorial feeling Tommy had for Jude. Yet, he still spoke up. "She's unbelievably talented." He noted offhand. Tommy hummed a response, his eyes still trained on Jude, but she never gave another glance at him. "Real pretty too."

Tommy's eyes jerked to J.J. who had a smirk on his lips. A nasty remark was on his lips, telling him to back off her, but as soon as he thought it he realized it was not his place to say anything. She wasn't his girlfriend, rather his artist. Yet, he could help but feeling like he needed to protect her. Before Tommy could say anything else, J.J. retreated into the shadows with Mackenzie.

Her eyebrow rose in intimidation as she moved onto the second verse. _"They used to tell me I was silly until I popped up on the TV. I always wanted to be a superstar and knew that singing songs would get me this far. But I ain't complaining, we all wanna be famous - so go ahead and say what you wanna say! You know what it's like to be nameless want them to know what your name is..." _ She nodded her head in time, smirking as she saw the jealousy in Tommy's eyes when she stared at J.J.

_"'Cause see when I was younger I would say...When I grow up, I wanna be _**famous**_, I wanna be a _**star**_, I wanna be in _**movies**_! When I grow up, I wanna see the _**world**_, drive nice cars, I wanna have _**groupies**_! When I grow up! Be on _**TV**_, people know _**me**_, be on _**magazines**_! When I grow up, fresh and _**clean**_! Number _**one**_ chick when I step out on the scene! But be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it, but you just might get it. But you just might get it!"_

--

Two hours, ten takes, and three cups of coffee later Tommy and Kwest sat at the soundboard listening to 'When I grow up', Jude's newest single. His nose was crinkled in dislike to the busy beat, the pedestrian lyrics. He couldn't believe she'd stooped down and recorded something so...so...mediocre. He shook his head from the cradle of his palms, frustrated that she'd let Darius control her. He'd thought she'd had more - balls - than that.

Suddenly, the playback halted. He looked up to see Kwest's eyes speculating him. "What's going on with her? I wouldn't say this is her best..."

Tommy sighed, letting his face settle back into his hands. "This is the backlash of the Crimson Party...Jude didn't follow Darius' orders so he makes her into a stupid girl..." He spoke from his palms, the sound muffled and exhausted. Kwest's groan was followed by a clap on Tommy's back. "Pop single...I can already see her in the scantily clad video, but what I don't get is why..." He whispered, looking at Kwest from the corner of his eyes. "Why would she bow down to D like that?" Kwest hated seeing his friend so distressed. And, what, over a sixteen year old contest winner?

"Dude, go home...get some sleep." Kwest mumbled. "You need it..."

Tommy nodded and as he rose from his seat, he could see Jude leaving with her new friends she came in with. For some reason, they didn't rub him the right way. He couldn't explain - nor would he - but he knew that that J.J. kid was no good for her. As they reached the door, pushing it open in mid conversation, Jude jumped back in surprise because at the same moment Shay Mills and Eden Taylor strode through the door, hand in hand.


End file.
